Princessa Draculeila of Yondersville
by Jahnava
Summary: It's about an idiotic idiot dealing with idiocy. Oh yeah, shes also a vampire. Vampires suck blood. Yes, blood. Blood. Need I clarify? According to Pandora, who is uploading this, it is extremely funny and swell. Listen to me, for I read it before you did


There once was a vampire. Not a very good vampire, but  
a vampire. Her name was Draculeila. Okay, so I'm not  
very creative with names, but that makes it all the  
more interesting, right? Wrong. Don't read this. Run  
away while you still can. Hurry. RUN! AAAAAAAAAAH!  
  
So anyway, Draculeila was a vampire. Who sucked blood.  
Vampires do that. Have I clarified that Draculeila was  
a vampire yet? Um... So Draculeila the Vampire Who  
Sucked Blood was having a problem one day.  
  
"I am having a problem one day. I mean, today. The  
problem I am having is specifically on this day, April  
2, 2001. That is the day that my problem is ocurring."  
Draculeila the Schizophrenic Vampire who Sucked Blood  
happily said to herself. It was then that she forgot  
the problem that she was having that day and began to  
drink from a glass of dark blue liquid.   
  
"ALIEN blood," she informed her kitchen cabinet.  
Andrew Jackson had a kitchen cabinet, too, y'know. All  
the greats do. If you don't have a kitchen cabinet,  
you are no longer permitted to read. You should have  
stopped a long time ago anyway. Nevermind, shush.  
Read.  
  
Now comes the plot of this idiotic tale of an idiotic  
idiot and her idiocy.  
  
SUDDENLY, meaning out of nowhere, abrupt, or sudden  
with the "ly" after it, a mummy crashed through the  
door. Draculeila stared uncertainly. She thought a  
moment, then thoughtfully said what she was  
thoughfully thinking in her thoughtful yet somewhat  
hollow little brain.  
  
"Why are you wrapped in toilet paper. OH! Mommy? How'd  
you know we were out? Cuz I just got out of the  
bathroom though the author didn't write about it  
because she isn't THAT perverted and I couldn't find  
any so I had to use---"  
  
"DON'T tell me," came the husky voice of the decaying  
freak wrapped in TP.   
  
"Mommy, your voice sounds different. Are you sick?"  
  
"Actually, I am a mummy. And this isn't toilet paper.  
It's gauze."  
  
"But I've called you 'mommy' all my life!" Draculeila  
protested. "And what are we going to do with gauze? We  
need toilet paper!"  
  
"All the better to smell you with."  
  
"...What?"  
  
"Go now, to grandmother's house."  
  
"....OKAY!" Draculeila picked up a picnic basket full  
of goodies that appeared out of nowhere and skipped  
out the door swinging it happily.  
  
Somewhere in the middle of Yonder Woods, poor  
unfortunate Draculeila ran into The Big Bad Werewolf.  
  
"Hi!" Draculeila greeted.   
  
"Why hello, Miss," the B.B.Ww smiled in return. "Would  
you like to buy this lovely cow?" he pointed to a  
brown cow behind him that appeared out of nowhere.   
  
"Hm..." she pondered over this. "Cow, eh? How much?"  
  
"Three magic beans."  
  
"You drive a hard bargain, Mister." Draculeila dug in  
her trenchcoat pocket and pulled out three moldy  
blackbeans. "I'll take it!"  
  
Draculeila continued walking to grandmother's house,  
balancing the cow on her head and swinging the basket.  
Don't ask me or yourself how she managed to do this,  
a) you'll confuse yourself and your brain will explode  
and b) I don't know, leave me alone.   
  
...So Draculeila was ALMOST to her grandmother's house  
when Tweedle Dee and Dweedle Tee jumped in front of  
her.  
  
"You may not pass," Tweedle Dee aid in a robotic  
voice.  
  
"Whyyyyy?"   
  
"Because."  
  
"Oh. Okay!"  
  
"Wait," Dweedle Tee called as Draculeila was about to  
turn away. "You may pass if you succeed."  
  
"What?"  
  
"One of us lies and one of us tells the truth. You  
have to guess which is which."  
  
"I lie," Tweedle Dee said. Dweedle Tee elbowed him  
hard in the stomach.  
  
"Okay! Hey... wait a second... how do I know you  
aren't telling the truth?" she shot them both accusing  
glances.  
  
"Because I wouldn't say I lie if I told the truth."  
  
"But if you were telling the truth about lying, then  
you're being honest. If the other robot dude said he  
was telling the truth he could be lying about that."  
  
"...Oh. Um... proceed then..."  
  
Draculeila led her cow a little further and just as  
she was about to knock on the door to grandmother's  
house it was Jahnava's bedtime and the story ended.  
Nighty-night.   
  
The End.  



End file.
